Calm Is a Competitive Advantage in Divorce
By: Leo Bezanis – Partner, Beermann LLP
Divorce is emotional. That part is unavoidable.
But one of the biggest misconceptions I see—especially early on—is the belief that emotion drives outcomes.
It doesn’t.
In Chicago and throughout Illinois, divorce cases are decided in courtrooms built around structure, process, and credibility. Judges are tasked with making decisions based on evidence, statutory factors, and long-term practicality—not who is angriest, loudest, or most reactive.
Emotion vs. Outcome
Strong emotions are understandable during divorce. What’s dangerous is letting them dictate strategy.
When emotions take over, people tend to:
Make rushed financial decisions
Escalate conflict unnecessarily
Say or do things that undermine credibility
Focus on “winning moments” instead of long-term outcomes
In contrast, clients who stay calm are able to:
Think several steps ahead
Prioritize what actually matters
Preserve leverage during negotiations
Present as reasonable and credible in court
That distinction matters more than most people realize.
The Reality of Illinois Courts
Illinois judges see conflict every day. They are not persuaded by theatrics. They are persuaded by:
Organization
Consistency
Preparation
Reasonable positions grounded in law
Calm behavior signals control. And control builds trust—whether in front of a judge, a mediator, or opposing counsel.
That doesn’t mean being passive.
It means being intentional.
Calm Is Not Weakness
One of the most damaging myths in divorce is that staying calm means letting the other side “get away with things.”
The opposite is usually true.
Calm allows you to:
Respond instead of react
Choose when to push—and when not to
Avoid mistakes that can’t be undone
Keep your focus on the finish line
Divorce isn’t about proving a point in the moment.
It’s about positioning yourself for the best possible future.
The Clients Who Do Best
The clients who consistently get better outcomes aren’t the most aggressive or emotional. They are the ones who:
Trust the process
Stay composed under pressure
Think long-term
Let strategy—not emotion—lead
That’s why calm is more than a mindset in divorce.
It’s a competitive advantage.
Clear answers. No noise. Just the law — made simple.
